I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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