No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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