Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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