Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
