forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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