Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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