the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
