I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
