Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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