I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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