but the lizard people decide everything anyway
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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