Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
