Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
