I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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