And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
