He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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