I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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