hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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