Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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