If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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