if i can run in heels then i can drive
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
