I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
