Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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