Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
