you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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