Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
