I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sext me about skeletons
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
