i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
