i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
