His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
