And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
