I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
