I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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