I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
