If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
