He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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