We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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