Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
