umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
