I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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