I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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