he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
