I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
