that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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