if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
