I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
