I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
