Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
