The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
