Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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