So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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