no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
