On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
